Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
