Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
