and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
