Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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