My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
