so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
