she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
