Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
