Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I think your dad took our porno
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
