After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
