If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
