Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
