We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
