just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
