Just cropdusted the office
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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