I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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