I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Is it because I queefed?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
