Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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