I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
