No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize