Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
