So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
