I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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