a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Randomize
