i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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