I don't usually arrange sex via text message
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize