No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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