i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
