In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Randomize
