I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize