He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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