we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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