it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
