I wish life had little blips of pornography
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
