dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize