hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
