I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
