Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
