this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
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