Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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