I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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