he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
