We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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