i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
