Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize