At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
We talked him into tasing himself.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
