I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
