Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
