mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
