Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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