this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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