That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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