I haven't been this sober since birth.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
