Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
ugly people sure do ruin things
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
