Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize