today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize