Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
