so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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