Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
