Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Randomize
