i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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