I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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