I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
