Porn is love you can see.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
