She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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