I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
In other news, I just burned my penis
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
