his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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