I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize